Poetry,  Vic Stanley

The Prayer

Written by Vic S.

You paint me however you want. Frame me however you have to in order to accept me. In the end, I’m gonna do what I was made to do… There’s no love lost.

Lord please! You gotta help me//you gotta tell me where do I go from here//a lot of these folks is weird//smile in your face, behind your back it’s jeers//y’all don’t even see my tears//I’m bold and brash, but y’all don’t even see the fear//I’m just like you//but I can’t condone your brand of Christianity//I see the damage it brings//and the standard it seems is too low//but these amateur kings//think they got answers to all that they don’t know… but am I the same?//there’s so much that I don’t know//so little I do//so much that I don’t show//y’all hate how I speak//so you know how that go//you paint me as immature, angry, and hostile//y’all frame me as insecure, aimless, and broke down//you looking like my opps (opposition) now//but I won’t entertain those thoughts now//

I’m trying to walk in peace//but can’t have harmony with these monsters and beasts//they present themselves as gentle and kind//I see beyond the veil to the truth of their kind//you want proof, but the stories change//well, explore these claims//it gets gory mayne//Spirit of the Lord implores me mayne to speak on these thangs//kill me for it if you think I deserve that//all I ever show is love//understand I came to disrupt//but would never set myself above//I hope you heard that//my sins are great//but I escaped my senseless way to an endless fate in that fiery lake//will still have to give an account//in the time it takes for my victims to wind their way//to the front of the line to say “Vic why did you do it?”// I pray my response is the truest//but I probably won’t find the words to say//that’s then, right now I got more thoughts to lay//y’all worried about my methods instead of the concerns  I raise//life’s a battle, so I learned to pray//I learned to seek, to listen, and not to look away//momma taught me how to cook this way//daddy told me “son stand on your convictions and don’t give in to the truths they reorchestrate,”//he said “through life you travel, so don’t get stuck in place, you can’t move that way.”//Lord, am I wrong for all I do and say?//Should I have spoke those names and exposed those lames//for the wrong they do when I’ve been guilty of the same?//but wouldn’t you that mean I recognize it?//And with ease could identify it?//

Maybe I’m delusional and should just keep quiet//why keep trying?//All these blows to my body, why keep fighting?//Why these people lying?//Why keep crying?//All this mourning seems to go to waste//but I keep climbing, even if I’m Much-Afraid//got hinds feet in this higher place//Lord help me to be merciful and gracious//humble with patience//joyful with radiance//I’ve just been trying//to do the right thing, but they only read half these writings//they don’t understand them yet come to indict me//I guess I’m guilty of it all//a lot of folks would love to see me fall//I fell a long time ago at the foot of the Cross//I’ve been getting back up//all I gained I counted as loss//I counted all the cost before I took this course//surrendered it all//I’m still finding pieces of myself to up//Christ please come and search me//I was a soul that was lost and hurting//so unworthy//evil dealings and nefarious workings//they say all I talk about is my past and dope dealing//y’all ain’t really been listenin’//and that’s why you’re missing it//but go ahead, please explain my motives//and why I wake every morning//and what I pray every morning//why I live like this and talk like this and walk like this//I’d love to hear you explain it//I’d love to see how you frame it//and what categories you’d assign to me//what labels you’d align to me//

Myers-Briggs and Enneagrams, y’all love the box//but any man that’s lived long enough will point out its dangers//maybe I did it to myself//maybe I did it with your help//all these millennial Christians//I wanted to believe you guys and play by your rules//but I couldn’t play the fool//I see the harm y’alls methods are harboring//your practices alarmingly breed pain and destruction//but don’t we all?//I guess that’s being human//God teach me forgiveness//teach me to live this life repentance//I watched them fail then cut me off from the table//because I kicked their sacred cow and shattered the fable//ironically my life feels more stable//and maybe I should have kept my mouth shut//but my convictions run deep, so I wasn’t able//so I put it in these poems and records//these digital lectures just to leave a record//let the people judge it, hate it or love it…

I told y’all that I Don’t Wanna Leave and that I’d Never Die//that I would survive//see I came up From the Thorns//was Born Legend//was born anew by the grace of the King in Heaven//battling this evil Empire//them folks was on me I had to get a Dummy Car to throw ‘em off my trail//We came to expose these liars by dropping Hidden Jewels//started out local, now we’re Statewide//really we’re international, slinging this Gospel//You gonna stop who?//The afterward will be Sempiternal//I gotta couple more things to learn you…


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