The Prayer

Written by Vic S.

You paint me however you want. Frame me however you have to in order to accept me. In the end, I’m gonna do what I was made to do… There’s no love lost.

Lord please! You gotta help me//you gotta tell me where do I go from here//a lot of these folks is weird//smile in your face, behind your back it’s jeers//y’all don’t even see my tears//I’m bold and brash, but y’all don’t even see the fear//I’m just like you//but I can’t condone your brand of Christianity//I see the damage it brings//and the standard it seems is too low//but these amateur kings//think they got answers to all that they don’t know… but am I the same?//there’s so much that I don’t know//so little I do//so much that I don’t show//y’all hate how I speak//so you know how that go//you paint me as immature, angry, and hostile//y’all frame me as insecure, aimless, and broke down//you looking like my opps (opposition) now//but I won’t entertain those thoughts now//

I’m trying to walk in peace//but can’t have harmony with these monsters and beasts//they present themselves as gentle and kind//I see beyond the veil to the truth of their kind//you want proof, but the stories change//well, explore these claims//it gets gory mayne//Spirit of the Lord implores me mayne to speak on these thangs//kill me for it if you think I deserve that//all I ever show is love//understand I came to disrupt//but would never set myself above//I hope you heard that//my sins are great//but I escaped my senseless way to an endless fate in that fiery lake//will still have to give an account//in the time it takes for my victims to wind their way//to the front of the line to say “Vic why did you do it?”// I pray my response is the truest//but I probably won’t find the words to say//that’s then, right now I got more thoughts to lay//y’all worried about my methods instead of the concerns  I raise//life’s a battle, so I learned to pray//I learned to seek, to listen, and not to look away//momma taught me how to cook this way//daddy told me “son stand on your convictions and don’t give in to the truths they reorchestrate,”//he said “through life you travel, so don’t get stuck in place, you can’t move that way.”//Lord, am I wrong for all I do and say?//Should I have spoke those names and exposed those lames//for the wrong they do when I’ve been guilty of the same?//but wouldn’t you that mean I recognize it?//And with ease could identify it?//

Maybe I’m delusional and should just keep quiet//why keep trying?//All these blows to my body, why keep fighting?//Why these people lying?//Why keep crying?//All this mourning seems to go to waste//but I keep climbing, even if I’m Much-Afraid//got hinds feet in this higher place//Lord help me to be merciful and gracious//humble with patience//joyful with radiance//I’ve just been trying//to do the right thing, but they only read half these writings//they don’t understand them yet come to indict me//I guess I’m guilty of it all//a lot of folks would love to see me fall//I fell a long time ago at the foot of the Cross//I’ve been getting back up//all I gained I counted as loss//I counted all the cost before I took this course//surrendered it all//I’m still finding pieces of myself to up//Christ please come and search me//I was a soul that was lost and hurting//so unworthy//evil dealings and nefarious workings//they say all I talk about is my past and dope dealing//y’all ain’t really been listenin’//and that’s why you’re missing it//but go ahead, please explain my motives//and why I wake every morning//and what I pray every morning//why I live like this and talk like this and walk like this//I’d love to hear you explain it//I’d love to see how you frame it//and what categories you’d assign to me//what labels you’d align to me//

Myers-Briggs and Enneagrams, y’all love the box//but any man that’s lived long enough will point out its dangers//maybe I did it to myself//maybe I did it with your help//all these millennial Christians//I wanted to believe you guys and play by your rules//but I couldn’t play the fool//I see the harm y’alls methods are harboring//your practices alarmingly breed pain and destruction//but don’t we all?//I guess that’s being human//God teach me forgiveness//teach me to live this life repentance//I watched them fail then cut me off from the table//because I kicked their sacred cow and shattered the fable//ironically my life feels more stable//and maybe I should have kept my mouth shut//but my convictions run deep, so I wasn’t able//so I put it in these poems and records//these digital lectures just to leave a record//let the people judge it, hate it or love it…

I told y’all that I Don’t Wanna Leave and that I’d Never Die//that I would survive//see I came up From the Thorns//was Born Legend//was born anew by the grace of the King in Heaven//battling this evil Empire//them folks was on me I had to get a Dummy Car to throw ‘em off my trail//We came to expose these liars by dropping Hidden Jewels//started out local, now we’re Statewide//really we’re international, slinging this Gospel//You gonna stop who?//The afterward will be Sempiternal//I gotta couple more things to learn you…

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