Path of Death,  Poetry,  Series,  Vic Stanley

Day 33: “1993”

Written & Performed by Vic Stanley

I ain’t take these steps on a whim
I ain’t carried by the wind
Gales blow in
I barely even bend
Rarely do we win
In ways that we thought when we first beginned
I’m weary but I grin
Wary but I very much trust in Him
He’s seen it from the end
My scheming had me leaning
Screaming in the evening
It was seeming that even them demons couldn’t keep Him
From leading me to freedom

I’m still cruising through your town
Still putting it down
Product that I’m pitching
Ain’t even ‘bout an ounce
I’m talking 21 grams
The soul of a man
Fate slipping through my hands
Addicted to these plans
That’ll take me to the grand
Dream I conceived
This thing I believed
Would bring me relief
Is just a false hope

It’s a fantasy I hold
I was taught COPE
Insanity I mold
The calamity of thoughts circle in my mind
I fight with the divine
Trying to make His ways mine
Angry at His tactics
As He takes away time
Patience ain’t a virtue I have the strength to mine

I’m hating that I hurt you
I resent my grind
‘Cause I do this at all cost
All loss is just collateral damage
But the last man standing
Is just a man abandoned
To a lonely world, lacking a companion
He’s a has been Adam
Emptiness looking at him

I was just like him
Staring at this reality
All these things in view
Had my sight askew
‘Til I saw the unseen
Still it’s a path that’s arduous and mean

Thorns in my flesh
Pain in my steps
Needles in my heart
Lament on my breath
Agony in my gut
Drags me into a rut
Mercy of the Lord don’t seem to be enough

This tenebrosity threatens to swallow me
This melancholic despondency just follows me
But Grace lifts me up
Of Hope
I taste just enough
To know that these miseries
Are just the death pangs of the old man fighting his demise
I mortify the flesh
Looking at my mans,
Like “Brother we’re going to die.”

A paradoxical destiny
Infuses me with life
Still days filled with gloom
Haunt me with doom
I sojourn through a world
That only knows a moon
Bright midnights cast shadows on the plight
Of these guys that shake fists at God from their humanistic rite
I cast that to the side
‘Cause this luminescent flight
Hurtles to a site where I can escape the fight

My flesh wants war
My soul wants Christ
My mind wants peace
I’m needing something to eat
‘Cause my spirit’s starvation is starting to get to me
And all this vacillating is making no sense to me

What I claim to be
Is just a shame to be
Christ’s name for me
Is what I aim to be
Epiphanies came to me
Sounding strange to me
Spirit is changing me
It’s more than accidentals
Something happens substantially

You either foe or fam to me
So fall by the wayside or stand with me
You ain’t hearing what I’m saying
You ain’t understanding me
See the world grew cold for me
In 1993. . .

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